running to stand still.

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Travelling. Food. Appreciation. I enjoy the finest things in life. I read religiously and I bake, in my spare time. I love the fact that I share this instinctive relationship with the stories authors narrate. Believing in hardwork has its setbacks because with that in mind, I'm not easily pleased for great expectations come great responsibilities. My inspiration comes from people of different walks of life who embed strong character with an astounding positive mindset and amazing individuality to endeavor.

I belief in giving back and there's so much I want to do, achieve and accomplish especially when there's no other disease worse than poverty. I'm just looking forward in meeting various people and places. Big heart, wide personality and a great sense of humor are just my cup of tea.

Exploration of better moments has only waited beautiful days for me.

Your eyes reflect mine. [ 11:18 PM ]

Your lips grazed my crimson ones.

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Where's the good in goodbye? [ 11:37 PM ]

Now, hours after farewells were bade goodbye, your departure dawned to me and its feels a little surreal. I am swirled with mixed emotions, it's wearing me out indefinetly.

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It's like I've known you all this while. [ 11:11 AM ]

I woke up smiling at the thought of you. It made as much sense to me as the rest of the world did. Like those seconds of dizzying clarity I have occasionally where I stop and wonder how I got this far.

No longer held together, she was a bundle of nerves. She was actually falling apart, coming undone for what it's worth. Cautiously, she seated herself whereupon she found herself unable to resist peering over the top of the menu at him. Anyone observing the scene would see a cool, young girl sitting at the table, arms folded casually to give the very image of indifference. It took forever for her heart to get prepared. Speaking of, it took twice as long a time.

The air gets lighter and she breathed. Soft words were spoken. Laughter overflowed and spilled out of them. Time was slipping by as they shifted from one foot to the other. Both went their respective ways, a secret smile pulling at their lips, a cherished kiss on the cheek, and a promise to meet again.

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Time follows closely. [ 5:43 AM ]

By the light of the moon, I'll be home.

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Soothe your aching soul. [ 9:37 PM ]

If you think missing me is hard, then you should try missing you.

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Something out of it. [ 11:08 PM ]

It isn't real and it can't be real, that would have preceding notion. It doesn't exist and how could it be anything other than a farce? I mean, how can one possibly be anything but wary of the lines? But what if it has gotten to a point where social normality is breached and normal recognition of social forms do not matter just as much?

...what if words were your life and narrates the truth?

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Paz Vega reminds me of my mom. [ 8:00 PM ]

Your acceptance, while it would thrill me, will not define me. My identity rests firmly and happily on one fact: I am my mother's daughter.

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In an endless search, do you think I'll let it go? [ 12:33 PM ]

We have been through phases and between pernicious zones, to and fro that could question and doubt our every intention and security we’ve placed in this relationship like a trial that effortlessly give away the thought of not being there for each other, well, never more after that in the shortest period of time Yet, among the limits and the paths we’ve crossed, I feel like I’ve known you for a very long time.

The amazing thing we have, is our honesty that doesn’t necessarily ripe the good outcomes for its visits bear excessive tears, uncontrollable anger like a tempest, that has been shun into our hearts. The inconsiderate, the self-seeking and the unabashed identity of characters would never gain an ounce of self tolerance, in their superfluous lives to have an innate or inherited immunity to withstand what we have. They’d probably take the first train out of here for it’s not a place for giving up.

There are nights, we have spent crying and conversations we’ve spent racing in a reckless fit to continue and always voice what’s on our minds, only to be compelled or otherwise, for shelter. It’s something so valuable, I wouldn’t defy gratitude. I’m in a good place after what seems like a very long time which turns out to be one and true. I wish you patience, hope and strength to get through the worst predicaments that daunts your existence but needlessly, understand each other through uncivil calling of times, that goes without saying.

The best stories I’ve told are of you and the best times I’ve spent are with you.

Out of the catastrophes we have been through, some actually happened and if you took a second to look back, you’d see me as I continue my journey and help you in yours.

You mean the world to me.

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I'm glad it's you. [ 8:38 PM ]

If I don't say this now I will surely break

As I'm leaving the one I want to take

Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait

My heart has started to separate

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go

Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know

When I'm losing my control, the city spins around

You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

If ever there was a doubt

My love she leans into me

This most assuredly counts

She says most assuredly

It's always have and never hold

You've begun to feel like home

What's mine is yours to leave or take

What's mine is yours to make your own

For no one else.

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The hope is making my face ache. [ 3:03 PM ]

This is for the “I really like you, so let’s still be friends” comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you’ve received from your female friends, for the nights they’ve reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you’d have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we’ve believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we’d have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don’t think that they deserve more, because they’ve been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

(For what it's worth)

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This is my song. [ 9:49 PM ]

I wasn’t among the other girls who dreamt of a prince charming, sweeping her off her feet even as a little girl. I wasn’t among the other students, best in their elite, progressing through the stairs of success. I wasn’t among the other adolescents who had a friend she could call her own till I was 18. I wasn’t among people who could embrace my hopes, and my fears because I was blessed with a mind some girls feared bearing, some students feared sharing, some adolescents fear perplexing and some people feared risking. Pessimism they called it. Realism, some mocked.

It was a plan, I’d tell them. As people, we plan our lives in our little heads. Yet, reality isn't as nice as we want It to be. Our minds, imaginations, they cause our greatest known weakness; they cause our delusions.

But I sit here, completely swayed by a calling, a reason to what I hear His plans for me are. How he has made me realised that my entire life can be paved with what I truly believe in. I laid in bed, keeping faith that the night would stretch longer so I could eventually reach some shut eye. My heartstrings tugged to and fro. Then, for a moment, everything else made sense.

I pictured my wedding. From the familiar faces to the familiar dress. I see my dad, I see my mom. I see my best friend, smiling in the familiar crowd. I see my first dance, as a bride, as the daughter of the most admirable man in my life. I see how moments were truly captured through a lens. I see my favourite flowers. I see my favourite girls. I see the ocean. I see you.

I pictured my life. I pictured how it would work if I had a choice, to relive and let live every day of my life and if I chose to take the road not travelled by. I witness how the passion grew with time, how my inspiration became me as a person. Someone worth being, someone worth loving and someone with a purpose in life worth fulfilling. And I know, deep down, that the clock has no hands for guessing to toil for me this time and I’m letting hesitation abscond at this red light.

Because I could have all I wanted, I could have the simplest things and be happy. I could have seen what blinded me all this while. I could have saved myself from me.

Just like how I dreamt of it to be when I was a little girl.

Our minds, imaginations, they are our greatest known strengths.

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Loneliness as I see it. [ 8:43 PM ]

But he just gives me that dark smile, settles into my favorite chair, puts his feet on my table and lights a cigar, filling the place with his awful smoke. He watches and sighs, then climbs into my bed and pulls the covers over himself, fully dressed, shoes and all. He’s going to make me sleep with him again tonight, I just know it.

Eat, pray and love

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It was no stroke of luck. [ 5:55 PM ]

Prayers answerd, a milestone achieved.
Pack your bags, best friend.

Here's to our dreams.

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Continously, a haunt it'll be. [ 2:34 PM ]

It was Valentine's day and you showed up. Silence hid the same way our gaze did from each other. You whispered the desire to be with me and traced your fingers down my back.

And we silently inquire.

Is this the way it was supposed to be? Were you the one for me? Could I have made you just as happy? You shouldn't have come back.

Copious amounts of emotion filtered through our words and the right ear could pick out a note of loneliness. It was a sign. The dream, it was the sign. You appearing, shattered the damaging impact lust can have on the strain of needing to feel wanted.

It was a long time ago.

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On my plate. [ 4:27 PM ]

1. A presentation on Plaque, the Deadly Bioweapon due April 30th
2. A critical review on Dickkopf‐1 due May 5th
3. A follow up seminar on the same day on the same thing
4. A poster write up on Pregnancy, Placentation and Sex Ratio due May 7th
5. Prac Exam: Sex, Reproduction and Society , scheduled on May 11th
6. A comparative analysis review on 2 journal articles due May 12th

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One gratifying reason. [ 10:15 PM ]

That's all I ask. It has been a transition, it was no dream. My mind has been a little convoluted and my heart has traveled out of the sleeves. It was a weary sight I couldn't endure. That passion, that spark and that hope is now gone.

Till you find something worth the while to stay on, to live for.

And we'll drift deeper where life goes on and we'll travel somewhere, far from home, longer than our legs can carry, further than we've walked before. Where the intangible desire to live and let live in rewritten and we'll keep faith that trouble won't knock on our doors. This is to us, my friend. Our lives have just begun and this promises one journey ahead of us.

I'll see you in London Town.

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This is your merit [ 4:48 PM ]

Kya bebasi hai yeh, kya majbooriyan
Hum paas hai phir bhi kitni hai dooriyan
Jism tu, jaan main, teri pehchaan main
Milke bhi na mile, yeh hai kaisa bharam

In happiness and sadness.

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Distant memory. [ 11:01 PM ]

To Mr. Slightly Better,

Lace your fingers with mine. I promise to embrace the unpredictability you come with and appreciate all the fears you bear. I’ll love you till the end of time.

Love, Miss Almost There.

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The lonely Moon, you seek. [ 12:17 AM ]

Because She used to have a lover. His name was Gύwygύwasu and they lived in the Spirit world together. Every night they wondered the skies together. But, one of the other Spirits was jealous. Trickster wanted the Moon to himself. So he told Gύwygύwasu that the Moon had asked for flowers. He told him to come to our world to pick wild roses. But Gύwygύwasu didn’t know that once you leave the spirit world, you can never go back. Every night, he sees the moon and howls her name. He can never touch her again.

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The smiles that win, the tints that glow. [ 4:05 PM ]

She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes thus mellow'd to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less had half impair'd the nameless grace

Which waves in every raven tress or softly lightens o'er her face

Lord Byron.

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Honest as you get from me. [ 11:45 PM ]

You excite me with a gratifying reason that resonates our existance.
The clock never seem to be more alive when our eyes met from a distance.
I want you here with me, I want you close.
I'm afraid this is no fleeting loss.

Because I've secretly, wished for you.
Because nothing will change the course of truth.

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I asked. [ 11:03 AM ]

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be so many things. I pictured too many ambitions in my head and I wanted to accomplish them all. When I was 5, I wanted to be a mechanic and used to play pretend with my dad’s toolbox. Progressively, it grew to be a professional tennis player, a ballet dancer, a celebrity, a professional boxer, a teacher, a stewardess, an archaeologist and a neurosurgeon.

In some way, it explains the reason why I can be quite a dreamer and it doesn’t end here with career options for it can stretch to the men I have fantasies about. LOL.

I wish to pursue human pathology at Royal College of Pathologists of Australasia in the long run.

With that passion, my current goal is to ace GAMSAT.

I work best with stress and datelines. I hate it when I have absolutely nothing to do.

I’ve been travelling since I was 4 years of age. New Year, new destination and I love it. I wish to relive those moments from skiing at the gateway to Alps in Zurich to strolling down the magical streets of Kathmandu.

Rajasthan is the one destination and the very place I desire to dwell my very existence. Threadbare and fading, the land stretches from desert dunes and scattered slums to the rich embroidery of ancient, jewelled palaces, and the majestic domes of forgotten empires that will always continue to fascinate me.

I had my first crush on an Italian tour guide I met in the Maldives when I was 10.

I was a pretty grumpy child, growing up and have an embarrassing picture to prove it.

I’m quite an extreme sport enthusiast myself and I wish to bungee jump from the Bloukrans Bridge and perhaps, experience a hand gliding adventure at the majestic peaks of India someday.

I can be very thrifty and am no longer surprised that I am among the few people who can actually save. Sometimes, the hesitation of getting something for myself annoys the people I shop with.

Given a choice, I rather shop for others.

I appreciate a good conversation anytime and a witty sense of humour is my cup of tea.

A compulsive mind about the English grammar irritates me.

I love the way Jennifer Aniston carries herself and her biography is a personal favourite.

I like to believe that I can map my life through movies. Like how I wanted to learn salsa after watching the Havana nights, how I grew to appreciate Spanish guitars after Vicky Christina Barcelona and the change I sought for after Freedom writers.

I would love to walk in the shoes of Queen Rania of Jordon.

I find men, who read, write and cook very inquisitive. I’m drawn and awed.

There’s something about some men and the way they take out their wallets from their back pockets that is so irresistible.

I live to eat and I’m glad that my closest friends abide by similar principles in their lives.

I read religiously and I love the fact that I share this instinctive relationship with the stories authors narrate. My fondest genres are thriller and suspense.

The sight of cats scares me. My neighborhood coffee shop was infested with cats that I always ended up sitting cross legged on the chairs where I dined. The fact that those felines always settled below my chair threatens me.

I can never ever enjoy a good flight because of its peculiar smell that makes me nauseous.

I leave for Melbourne in exactly 5 days.

The one place I wish to unravel is the island of Santorini, Greece. Its one unconventional act I want to experience with my significant other.

Day 44, 180º S

I wish to be all those many things, still.

I question the possibility of the first ticket she took out of here. Was change a reason succumbed to intimidation? Do I dare expect more or situate my preceding notions on hold in light of what is not to be estimated? Is there a legitimate agenda one should propose in piloting his/ her life? What may have influenced the discernment she now has in judgment to how obstinate she once was about mapping her life in pen unwaveringly?

Grown to be incredulously skeptical about the permanent ink and I’ve opt the alternative of using a pencil.

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I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror [ 11:45 AM ]

A little tired, a little overboard and a little disappointed.

And I'm waking up once again - watching the slow movement of sleep dance on light legs reflected from the window. The mind plays thoughts from way back far and each memory dances with a tear.

I'm still here and intend to take it easy this week.

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Pilot. [ 11:58 PM ]

10 days.

Alas, one of my life's goals might just come real.

On Saturday, my grandaunt made a traditional meal of chicken rice, my favorite of hers to commemorate my farewell. She wanted to have a lot of good food and all her loved ones gathered. With what little budget the family had, that was exactly what happened, if not a pinch more. I loved it and she did too.

With the 12th nearing its corner, it’s time to draw a line, refocus and adjust myself into things I’ve set myself to do. After all, I wish to embrace tertiary life by first stepping into it on the correct foot and second, being more put together and hopefully, a little more mature. Especially in the context of ambition, medical school is never an easy task to conquer and it takes yards of determination to pull it through.

As I tried to condense my thoughts, I recognize that "What Next?" would be reinforcing my quest of becoming a better person and to become a fully fledged independent adult. In this way, I've established myself to be a planner and actually take up the leadership to be responsible for my life.

There is so much in 2008 that I want to see this year and this comes as delightful as a surprise would be because I don't normally want to bring the remnants of past, or the last year rather, forth. So it's not goodbye.

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At some point the peace will be broken. [ 10:41 PM ]

The ticking of the clock is perhaps the most frightening sound in the world. It is the only noise you'd hear on a daily basis, besides maybe your own heartbeat, that can be attributed to your very life slipping away. Yet, without its consistent tempo, I find myself unable to sleep at night. This, it seems, makes me flawed in some fundamental, irreversible way.

What about change that makes us so afraid?

Does it primarily depend how quickly time goes by when you're incredibly happy and with the one you love most or a continuous search, it will be to seek someone else who'd make me smile the way you did? Additionally, the fear of being pulled out of the comfort zone with so much force that you can feel it eating away at the top layer of everything you are and were?

It was the last day. The second hand on the clock ticks ceaselessly, air is exhaled and soft words were spoken.

I couldn't dare imagine.

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